Learning
Wow...it's been a while. I have not blogged in a couple of months. I have had thoughts about writing, but nothing further than the thought. Perhaps I have been too afraid to vocalize thoughts stirring in my head. Perhaps I am just lazy. Perhaps it's both.
I felt like a captive for so long. And, then I felt freedom. And then I think I slipped back into that place where I was bound once more. But, I am breaking free. And, God willing, I pray this time I keep out of the chains. I am discovering, yet again, who I really am. And, trying desperately to let God define that instead of man. Learning to be ok with who I am, and if someone doesn't like it, that's ok too. Because I am not here to make everyone like me if it means I can't actually be me.
Who am I? I am a mom. My kids are crazy, and I can be a little crazy too. I don't like crowds. I don't like new situations, new places. I like to be at home. I like time to myself. I like quiet. The state of my house is not picture perfect and my yard smells like chicken crap. But, I am coming to terms with that. I have struggled with insecurity my whole life. But, I am learning how to handle rejection and to know it really isn't me. When I love, I love big. But, I am slowly learning how to guard my heart a bit better. When I'm upset, there is no hiding it. I am an open book. And, I make no apologies for that; not anymore, anyway. I struggle daily with many things. But, I don't give up. God is my strength. There are things in my life I thought I wanted; things I thought were important to me that now I am finding are not. And, things I thought I would never want again have now become extremely important. I am growing. But, with that comes growing pains (which I am not particularly excited about). I don't want to be afraid anymore of what people think. I want to be free of that. I am a fighter, always have been (just ask my husband). I put myself out there and get hurt often. But, with God's help I am learning to just be myself and not worry about the rest of it. I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin (literally). I have anxiety, but I'm not letting that define me. I love my kids, and love people who love them as well. I strive to be a great mom, but I'm learning to accept that I can't be great all the time. I like things simplified, so I think I am going to start simplifying a few things in my life.
Those are some of my thoughts tonight...a bit about me; where I've been, where I am going. There's a whole lot of learning involved...
I felt like a captive for so long. And, then I felt freedom. And then I think I slipped back into that place where I was bound once more. But, I am breaking free. And, God willing, I pray this time I keep out of the chains. I am discovering, yet again, who I really am. And, trying desperately to let God define that instead of man. Learning to be ok with who I am, and if someone doesn't like it, that's ok too. Because I am not here to make everyone like me if it means I can't actually be me.
Who am I? I am a mom. My kids are crazy, and I can be a little crazy too. I don't like crowds. I don't like new situations, new places. I like to be at home. I like time to myself. I like quiet. The state of my house is not picture perfect and my yard smells like chicken crap. But, I am coming to terms with that. I have struggled with insecurity my whole life. But, I am learning how to handle rejection and to know it really isn't me. When I love, I love big. But, I am slowly learning how to guard my heart a bit better. When I'm upset, there is no hiding it. I am an open book. And, I make no apologies for that; not anymore, anyway. I struggle daily with many things. But, I don't give up. God is my strength. There are things in my life I thought I wanted; things I thought were important to me that now I am finding are not. And, things I thought I would never want again have now become extremely important. I am growing. But, with that comes growing pains (which I am not particularly excited about). I don't want to be afraid anymore of what people think. I want to be free of that. I am a fighter, always have been (just ask my husband). I put myself out there and get hurt often. But, with God's help I am learning to just be myself and not worry about the rest of it. I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin (literally). I have anxiety, but I'm not letting that define me. I love my kids, and love people who love them as well. I strive to be a great mom, but I'm learning to accept that I can't be great all the time. I like things simplified, so I think I am going to start simplifying a few things in my life.
Those are some of my thoughts tonight...a bit about me; where I've been, where I am going. There's a whole lot of learning involved...
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