Mothers Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day...my first as a mother of three. I still remember my very first Mother's Day. I was the new mommy of a one month old and still trying to figure out this whole mommy gig. I remember when I first started to get the really strong urges to become a mom. I was just barely 21, and I had it all figured out. Yup, I was going to be the perfect mom. I was going to be patient, and loving, and kind. I was going to be wise, and fun, and discipline in love. Yes, I had great plans to be the proverbs 31 woman, let me tell you. And then, my first baby boy was born...

Benjamin, my first born. My full of life, never a dull moment, always enthusiastic first born. I thought I knew everything about being a mom. But, I soon found out how wrong I was. I didn't even know a little bit; nope, zip, nada, nothing. But, here I was, a mom. God had given me the one thing I had begged of Him desperately for over a year. And, I was so thankful. But, now, I had to throw out all of my expectations and get real.

And then, 18 months later, God gave us a little pink bundle...

Our little princess. Our energy filled, high spirited, dirt/bug loving princess. And, our family complete, I now had to figure out this mom of two thing. 

Look at them, so cute!! My babies! 

I learned very quickly how hard being a mom really is. It is both the most rewarding and the most challenging, and I wouldn't change it for anything!

All grown up...

They're getting so big now, and that's coming with its own set of challenges. 

And then, we decided our "complete" family wasn't quite as complete as we had thought, and this little guy came along...

Joseph, our little miracle. Our sweet, easy going, beautiful miracle.

Every night I lay down next to this little sleeping baby boy, and I silently thank God for all three of these amazing children, and I ask Him for the strength for another day. I ask Him for forgiveness, for grace, for help. And sometimes, I must admit, I'm asking in desperation. Because, you see, this mothering thing isn't what I thought it would be. And, sometimes, that makes me feel guilty. Even, if I'm being honest, like a bad mom at times. But, I know that God gave these three children me as their mother, so He must think I can do it. And when He knows I can't handle something, He's right there helping. 

I'm not at all the mother I thought I would be. Nope, not even close. And I have to stop thinking about that mom, because she's just not me. Sure, I want to strive to be better. Of course. But, I need to stay away from that snare that wants to trap me into believing I need to be the perfect mom. Because, well, she does not exist. And, I can't forget that. Even when I see another mom that I think might just be pretty close to perfection, I need to remember that perfection only ever came once in human form, and that was in the form of my Savior. And, I'm so thankful He came! Because it is only throug Him that I know I can make it.

These three kids made me a mom. And, though they're not perfect either, they are pretty wonderful!

They teach me something everyday. And, even though they drive me crazy and at times I feel I'm going to lose it, they fill me full of a love I cannot describe.

Tonight while Rachel was saying her prayers, she thanked God that her mommy has grace with them everyday, even when they don't obey. Isn't that exactly what our Father does for us? Wow. And to hear her thankfulness for such a thing made my heart smile, because even when I think I'm just this terrible mom, she sees something in me that I didn't know she saw. And, those are the moments that make it all worth it.

Tonight as I lay next to my sleeping angel to say my silent prayers, I will try to extend some of that grace to myself and thank God that He has grace with me everyday even when I don't deserve it, and that His mercies are new every morning.