When Your Bubble Bursts
When I first moved to BC, I lived in a bubble...
I kept myself safe in the shelter of my own little world. I've always been this way, really. From quite young I learned that in order to not get hurt I needed to keep myself from harmful situations and people. And, in order to do this, I needed to stay inside my "bubble". So, that's where I remained. Then, I was ripped from the comfort of my safe haven and moved 1400 kms from the only home I had ever known and plunged into the realm of the unknown. And, let me tell you, that's a scary place to be.
I was naïve to how the world was in a lot of ways. I only knew a certain way, a certain kind of people, because I kept myself there and with those people. I didn't venture into places that scared me. But I decided I was not going to be afraid (or perhaps that I would face those fears head on) nearly 7 years ago...mainly because my kids were getting older and needed friends. So, I took that leap...
I have met A LOT of people since I've moved here. I've had some great experiences, and I've had some terrible, awful, hurtful ones too. I've learned the hard way that you can't trust everyone...my naïve bubble sure burst when I discovered this truth. I've been cut so deep that some of the wounds still have not healed...some have left scars that will remain as a reminder to guard my heart. And, others have healed over time and have taught me some very important life lessons that I will carry with me for a lifetime.
It took quite some time to figure out who I could trust and through this process I have learned so much about myself. When I first came here I opened up so much because I was desperate to find the right people and I needed people so badly because of what I was going through at the time. It was a very hard road and I needed people I could trust and lean on. Instead I found criticism, judgement, and pain. Over time those people were weeded out and I found some pretty beautiful flowers among the thorns. And, I'm so thankful for this. I have changed SO much over the last 7 years that I can't even believe I'm the same person. I have grown in so many ways and am so much stronger and confident, and I am so glad I can take that from this experience if nothing else.
I have been facing some major health issues in the last few months and it has caused me to revert back to my bubble. I need safety, and assurance, and I have been hiding from the big scary places and people out there. If you see me out these days, I will have my hair and make up done and you will ask me how I am doing. I will tell you I'm good and I will smile, and all will be well. If you're a close friend, you know the truth-that I'm struggling and I'm hiding from the world. You understand that I can't deal with drama right now...that I'm only in contact with those who are currently putting forth an effort. You'll understand that I just don't have anything to give right now, and that every bit that I do rustle up is given to my family.
The world can be a terrifying place sometimes. But, I know there are some wonderful people and wonderful things in store for me out there. Right now I just need to be here-inside my safe place where nobody and nothing can hurt me. You are more than welcome to visit my bubble, there's still some room in here. I think of you often and thank you for being the kind of friends that let me be me, even in all my craziness. I am healing, both physically and emotionally... God won't leave me where I'm at. I'm a work in progress like us all. I'm learning how to live with my new lifestyle and am slowly growing more into the woman God wants me to be. There are some huge changes ahead for this family and that scares me as well. But God is bigger than my fears and I know He has great plans for us.
In some ways, I'm glad my bubble was burst. And, even though I'm back in it for a season, I know with God's grace I will make it out again one day. God has taught me so much through it all and I can finally say I'm thankful for the trials because of who I have become because of it. And I just have to keep believing and pushing and moving forward...
I kept myself safe in the shelter of my own little world. I've always been this way, really. From quite young I learned that in order to not get hurt I needed to keep myself from harmful situations and people. And, in order to do this, I needed to stay inside my "bubble". So, that's where I remained. Then, I was ripped from the comfort of my safe haven and moved 1400 kms from the only home I had ever known and plunged into the realm of the unknown. And, let me tell you, that's a scary place to be.
I was naïve to how the world was in a lot of ways. I only knew a certain way, a certain kind of people, because I kept myself there and with those people. I didn't venture into places that scared me. But I decided I was not going to be afraid (or perhaps that I would face those fears head on) nearly 7 years ago...mainly because my kids were getting older and needed friends. So, I took that leap...
I have met A LOT of people since I've moved here. I've had some great experiences, and I've had some terrible, awful, hurtful ones too. I've learned the hard way that you can't trust everyone...my naïve bubble sure burst when I discovered this truth. I've been cut so deep that some of the wounds still have not healed...some have left scars that will remain as a reminder to guard my heart. And, others have healed over time and have taught me some very important life lessons that I will carry with me for a lifetime.
It took quite some time to figure out who I could trust and through this process I have learned so much about myself. When I first came here I opened up so much because I was desperate to find the right people and I needed people so badly because of what I was going through at the time. It was a very hard road and I needed people I could trust and lean on. Instead I found criticism, judgement, and pain. Over time those people were weeded out and I found some pretty beautiful flowers among the thorns. And, I'm so thankful for this. I have changed SO much over the last 7 years that I can't even believe I'm the same person. I have grown in so many ways and am so much stronger and confident, and I am so glad I can take that from this experience if nothing else.
I have been facing some major health issues in the last few months and it has caused me to revert back to my bubble. I need safety, and assurance, and I have been hiding from the big scary places and people out there. If you see me out these days, I will have my hair and make up done and you will ask me how I am doing. I will tell you I'm good and I will smile, and all will be well. If you're a close friend, you know the truth-that I'm struggling and I'm hiding from the world. You understand that I can't deal with drama right now...that I'm only in contact with those who are currently putting forth an effort. You'll understand that I just don't have anything to give right now, and that every bit that I do rustle up is given to my family.
The world can be a terrifying place sometimes. But, I know there are some wonderful people and wonderful things in store for me out there. Right now I just need to be here-inside my safe place where nobody and nothing can hurt me. You are more than welcome to visit my bubble, there's still some room in here. I think of you often and thank you for being the kind of friends that let me be me, even in all my craziness. I am healing, both physically and emotionally... God won't leave me where I'm at. I'm a work in progress like us all. I'm learning how to live with my new lifestyle and am slowly growing more into the woman God wants me to be. There are some huge changes ahead for this family and that scares me as well. But God is bigger than my fears and I know He has great plans for us.
In some ways, I'm glad my bubble was burst. And, even though I'm back in it for a season, I know with God's grace I will make it out again one day. God has taught me so much through it all and I can finally say I'm thankful for the trials because of who I have become because of it. And I just have to keep believing and pushing and moving forward...
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