Take me as I am

I grew up in a broken home. My parents divorced when I was 8, and my brother (12) went to live with our dad, and I stayed with mom. I did not see my brother or dad again until I was 16. My mom's boyfriend moved in when I was 9. He hated me. He verbally, emotionall, and mentally abused me for 6 years. Then, we left. I hated myself. I hated who I was, how I looked. I hated everything around me, including my mom. I was full of hate. I turned to eating disorders, alcohol, and boys trying to fill a void that could not be filled. I was empty. I was sinking, choking, gasping for air; I was drowning. When I was 21, God called me by name. If you know me and know my story, you know that I am speaking literal. He called me BY NAME. I told Him I would never turn back. Have I? True, I have not denied my faith or walked away from Him deliberately. But, have I turned my back on Him? I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes I wonder why I can't feel Him like I did back then. But, maybe it's just life. I still struggle. Struggle with self esteem mostly; worry that people won't like me. That people DON'T like me. I worry what other people think, and that gets me into trouble. I want to be loved; accepted. Sometimes I feel like I am failing. But, then I have those moments where it all just comes together and makes sense. Makes it all worth it. Why is it that when you become a Christian there are some who think that now you can't struggle? Like, if I am having a hard time now I am suddenly a spiritual mess. I am not strong. I am not enough. If I was, I would not need Him. But I do. I need You, Lord. My heart cries out to You, Abba. YOU are my daddy. YOU alone are my refuge; my fortress. YOU supply all my needs. YOU can make me whole. I want to share my struggles to uplift another. If we all just walk aroung acting like our lives are perfect, how are we helping the broken? We need to show others who are hurting that we all hurt and we all need our Father. Why are we so afraid of being real? Take me as I am, in ALL my forms. And, sometimes there are many. That is me. JUST me. I won't hide it; I am letting it all out. And, I am not ashamed. I am so grateful for people that God has brought into my life that have allowed me to open up and not be afraid of who I am. It is truly liberating. God knows every part of me. And, though there are many areas that need changing, tweeking, altering; He loves ME.  He loves me right now where I am at. A mess. But, He wants me to grow, and learn, and become the woman He created me to be. And, by His grace alone, I pray I will be able to give Him even a glimpse of that woman one day. Thank you, Lord, for bringing me this far. Please help me to go the distance. I want to make you proud.